


A Moment Worth (at 1,300 Won)

by chibixkadaj



Series: Strawberry Aloe [2]
Category: NCT (Band), NU'EST
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Based on a Vocaloid Song, Best Friends, Idols, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 06:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26847610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibixkadaj/pseuds/chibixkadaj
Summary: Five years ago he set on this idol journey, but seven years ago he found his motivation to try. Taeyong hasn't thought about home in a while and that changes when home comes to him. How could he have let so much time pass between now and the last time he saw Kim Jonghyun? Maybe he can change that...JR x Taeyong || Based on the Sarishinohara/Yonjuu Nana/Akaito trilogy || Idol x Ordinary Boy, but once they were best friends
Relationships: Kim Jonghyun | JR & Lee Taeyong, Kim Jonghyun | JR/Lee Taeyong
Series: Strawberry Aloe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958461
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

“Thank you all! I love you so much!” A few more kisses and one more deep bow, then the curtains draw to a close. Taeyong straightens again and lets out a breath. This moment, cast in the shadows of his finished performance, is the most time he gets to himself these days. Or at least that’s how it seems. Soon, a bodyguard or a stage hand will be whispering at him from the wings to return, but right now is his moment-- his chance to bask in all the applause and cheering and crying that he hears coming from the other side. He’s done that-- he’s given someone one of the best moments of their life. That means the world to him. Taeyong takes one more breath then scurries off the stage.

At the bottom of the stairs on the right hand side, his manager greets him with a bottle of water and a towel. He tosses the cloth over Taeyong’s sweaty head and rubs teasingly. “You did great! Maybe your best one yet.”

“You say that every time, Hyung.” Taeyong teasingly pouts. 

“Doesn’t mean it's not true. Isn’t that the whole thing with getting better every time? Go wipe off in your dressing room and we’ll wrap things up.” 

The stage is always his favorite place to be, no matter if it’s for lives, music programs, variety shows. If he can grab a mic and dance through his own lyrics then that’s all he needs. Going home, however-- or, going back to the dorms owned by his company-- is a different story. 

Taeyong waves his manager off, thanking him for placing a delivery order on Taeyong’s behalf (and for not skimping out on desserts) and ensuring that he’ll let him know when food arrives and if anything else comes up. The lock clicks and Taeyong deflates into his chair. He likes alone time. He struggles with being alone. 

Through the thin walls, Taeyong can hear the banter between two idol members. It sounds like they’re playing video games on opposite ends of their rooms, yelling whenever one does anything awful for their team… or good. Taeyong can’t completely tell. He wants to know, though. He’d love to join them too. Taeyong plays a lot of games on his own computer (because there’s not much to do otherwise). 

It’d be nice if one day they can play together.

But for now Taeyong fidgets in his seat, scrolling through nothing on his phone and then changing apps to look at another kind of nothing. He’d like to search up his own name and see what people are saying about his show, but he made a promise with his manager not to look until at least 24 hours after. So instead it’s just pictures of fluffy animals and the occasional cutely decorated dessert that take up his time before dinner. He doesn’t have the confidence to approach the people he once trained with. The bonds they have with their group mates is something so strong that Taeyong doesn’t think he can understand and doesn’t want to interfere with. Making it solo came with its own sets of hardships and extra alienation he doesn’t know how to navigate. 

But he could just say ‘hi.’ 

He knows he’s making things harder on himself but… it feels harder to change it than it does to accept that ‘solo’ means more than just taking up a stage by himself.

When he runs out of new photos he jumps into the archives of his phone’s gallery. Always here-- always to his second year when he transferred midway through first semester into a new high school. Taeyong has changed phones and numbers quite regularly but he’s always made sure to bring these with him. “Why didn’t we take more photos?” He laments, pressing his forefinger and thumb to his screen to expand the picture large enough that it cuts himself out and focuses on another face. _Oh Jonghyun…_ “I miss you.”

There’s a sequence of numbers dancing eagerly at the tips of Taeyong’s fingers but he can’t bring himself to tap them out. What if they don’t belong to Jonghyun anymore? It’d be too risky to make a fool of himself like that. He reaches out to someone else instead: a friend-- a producer turned into a friend, who might be free to join Taeyong for a few hours in the recording studio later tonight. He heaves a sigh of relief when he receives a ‘yes.’

“Your new EP is coming out in a few days right?” 

Taeyong glances over from the couch he’s all but flung himself onto, a bottle of water in his hand and sweat all over his skin. Oh shoot. He forgot he was supposed to send one of those fan messages through that new app. His fans always worried when he texted so late-- though it did get him to trend, too-- once when he messaged, and once again when the rest of the world woke up to see it. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad… He takes a quick selfie and strings some words together, then looks back to his friend. “Sorry.” He offers up a smile. “What was that?”

His friend chuckles. “Are you ever not working? I was asking about your new EP--”

“Oh right! Actually it came out the other day. I was doing my showcase for it this evening.”

“I have to ask again ‘are you ever not working?’ Why not take a break tonight? I’m sure you’re exhausted!” 

“A bit, but… This is more fun than sleeping. Plus, I don’t have any schedules until the afternoon so I can sleep a little bit extra.” If his manager lets him. It’s always a toss up, but maybe seeing his midnight text will earn him a few extra minutes in the morning. 

“Doing anything fun in the afternoon?”

“Rehearsals mostly. Then fansigns over the weekend.” 

“I don’t know how you do those.” His friend’s eyes widen and he shakes his head. “Just the thought of meeting that many people at once freaks me out! All those hands you have to touch too… Ugh.”

Taeyong laughs. “It’s not _that_ bad! Plus, you never know who you’re going to meet. I think that’s my favorite part.”

Never knowing who he’d meet at a fansign wasn’t the same as never _expecting_ to meet someone. Taeyong’s still in the middle of talking to his audience, and he has a brief performance to do, too, before he can sit and greet them all but he can’t get his eyes off of the man in the corner. A _man_ being here is already always cause for surprise but this one in particular… he knows he knows him. He knows that face, those eyes, that posture better than maybe anyone else. But he also knows _he’d_ never, ever come to something like this. Taeyong can’t afford to get distracted, but he keeps letting his eyes trail over anyway. 

He’s so far down the line too… Taeyong lets out an exhale through his nose as he takes his seat, when he can sneak a moment of looking down at his feet while he smooths out the lines of his stage outfit. _Patience. Patience._ He throws his meet and greet smile back onto his lips--the one that’s soft enough to contrast how sharply his eyes are lined for this comeback--and looks up, claps his hands and shouts “Let’s meet!” 

One by one, he takes gifts from his fans (puts a variety of things on his head and around his neck or wrist), takes their hands, poses with the plushies he’s given them. He’ll say sweet boyfriend nothings to one and play hand games with another. He meets Sooyoung for the first time. He greets Eunji with surprise to see her again so soon. He asks Mina how she’s doing. He wishes Yui a safe flight back to Japan. 

Old and new faces come down the line, sending his heart rate into overdrive because there are only so many people here and surely Taeyong will have his chance to confirm any moment now. He wants _so badly_ to lean forward and confirm for himself but-- no, it’s not a good look and he knows better. He is better. He just has to wait five more people.

The sound of high heels, creepers, and boots gives ways to the softness of sneakers against the temporary staircase. Taeyong swallows hard, hears the words “My name is” and blinks up to finish the sentence for him. “Jonghyun?”

It is. It really is. Taeyong would recognize the shine in those eyes anywhere, even deep within a crowd. And _God_ how his heart aches just seeing his face again. “It’s good to see you. Though I feel like I see you everywhere. You’ve really done well.” Jonghyun smiles. That smile. Oh wow, that smile that got Taeyong through far too many difficult moments--even more than Jonghyun knows. It’s all before him now. 

Far too many words rush around his brain and Taeyong just can’t squeeze any of them out. Everything from ‘I miss you’ to ‘I need you’ to ‘can you stay? Can I sneak you into my dorm?’ swirl and crinkle into a heap they’ve knotted themselves into. Eventually pink glossed lips _do_ part and he does say something: “I never thought I’d see you here.” Wow, he’s so disappointed in himself.

But Jonghyun doesn’t seem to mind. Actually, his eyes crease further and he smiles even more. What Taeyong wouldn’t give to snap a picture of this moment for himself. (Maybe a fan will get this for him, surprised to see a fanboy… he’ll have to search later). “I have twenty-five of your albums sitting on my desk,” Jonghyun says. “But don’t tell anyone.”

“Who would I tell?” Taeyong smiles too now. Wider and more real than what’s caused the ache in his cheeks. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of Jonghyun once-- he can’t! Or at least until his guard starts to push things along. It fears wasting this moment but the most he can do is burn Jonghyun into his brain in a way that never lets him forget his softly sharp features or the sweetness in his voice. 

“This is for you.”

“Huh?” 

He blinks down to the letter in his hand. 

“See you.”

_Wait!_ Ah… He can’t say that. But he does push himself a little forward, catching the plushie--his own branded one--bouncing against the back of Jonghyun’s bag. He shakes his head slowly. There’s no way, but the pink is as clear as the day and Jonghyun’s letter still weighs in his hand. _Oh right._ His guard has been taking most of the things he’s been given, minus what Taeyong’s already wearing on himself, but this he tucks beneath his thigh for safekeeping. His fingers itch to read it, but for now he uses them to shake hands with another fan. 

Back to reality. Back to work.

He looks for Jonghyun once more before the event is over. And when he does his signature signoff-- a far outstretched arm and series of grabs with his fingers in place of a wave--he does so deliberately in his old friend’s direction. Does he notice? Taeyong can’t bring himself to check. The crowd empties before he is going to leave so he steps back to his chair. The letter is still there. The guard, fortunately, didn’t touch it like Taeyong requested. He picks it up again, turning the red envelope around in his hands. The Squirtle sticker on the back is a nice touch. Taeyong’s smiling before he realizes it, and is making a note of how he wants to remove it and where he should put it as a keepsake. 

He has one more recording before he can read it, but as soon as he steps foot in his dorm room (waves his manager off and thanks him for yet again ordering dinner) his pinky finger slips into the small opening at the end and he oh-so carefully rips the envelope open. 

His chair leans back as far as the hinges will let him, dark eyes reading over and over again. He pushes up his glasses to make sure they’re not interfering with his eyesight, but the words are as clear as day. His delivery sits where it was placed, in the corner near his door, untouched and steaming in its container but he can’t think about eating right now. Or rather, he doesn’t want to fill his head with anything else than the words inked into the paper in his hands. Taeyong’s lips part, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was keeping cooped up in his lungs. And slowly, oh so slowly, he brings the paper closer to his chest; careful not to crinkle it in his embrace. 

“Me too,” he whispers, pulling the letter back and creasing the edges. “Me too.”

x

“Try to be on your best behavior today, okay?” Taeyong’s mom puts a hand on his shoulder and uses the other to fix his hair. Her voice is sweet but there’s a strain in her smile. Taeyong can’t fault her for it. He didn’t really want to let her down in the first place and he knows more than anything that it’s a blessing she believes him. She isn’t mad at him. But her worry is fear and Taeyong’s taken it to heart. He doesn’t want to let her down either.

He tries to smile back. “I will. Don’t worry, mom.”

But Taeyong gets off at the wrong stop, first, and he takes the wrong turn twice, second, and by the time he’s rushing to the office it’s already when he was supposed to be there, filling out paperwork and finalizing what he needs to be an official student of this new high school. 

Taeyong all but skids into the door, flings it open with so much strength it nearly topples the closest bookshelf over and he knows he should apologize for that but all he can think about is making up for lost time. “Excuse me! S-sorry!”

The boy who’s rushed forward to shield Taeyong from the potential threat of falling books smiles at him but the teacher he’s scheduled to meet seems unimpressed. He doesn’t bother trying to believe Taeyong’s reasoning. Before him, too, Taeyong sees papers that bear the words ‘bullying’ and ‘expulsion.’ _Ah,_ he thinks. It makes sense now. He already has a perception of Taeyong that even early arrival probably wouldn’t be able to sway. He wants to sigh but he knows better at this point. Taeyong goes to apologize again but the other boy speaks up first, seemingly calming--or maybe placating--the teacher. He buys back his time. 

“I think that’s everything.” Taeyong is quick to move closer to the desk, scrawls out his information on the form presented to him, and hurries back to the other student’s side. He glances up and over, smiling sheepishly as the student--Mr. Class President Kim Jonghyun--extends a hand and a warm introduction. Taeyong’s lips part to return his greeting but he’s shuffled out of the room before he can even take a breath.

Just as Taeyong starts to catch his breath, Jonghyun turns to him and starts apologizing. “I just felt like it would be easier to talk without the teachers and faculty around. Not that you need to talk to me or anything, but if you want to I think it’ll be easier like this than with them harping over us.”

The words fall strangely on his ears-- this is the class president but he’s making comments about the teachers? 

“Bold words from a class president,” Taeyong lets slip. He nearly covers his lips with his hands, hoping that he didn’t make a bad impression already. Fortunately, he’s met with a grin and a wink and Jonghyun says something about not being a kiss ass. Taeyong respects that. He thought he’d be stuck with an asshole but Jonghyun seems to have good humor. He takes the last plunge and properly introduces himself as well. He bows.

And Jonghyun waves it away with a smile. He calls them ‘same age friends’ and something about that causes Taeyong’s chest to tighten. A… friend. On his first day? His mom will be so happy. A million different replies flash through his mind but all he says he, “Uh, thanks.” Hopefully the sheepish smile on his lips doesn’t make him sound too standoffish or anything.

Taeyong is trying to focus on everything Jonghyun’s showing him. He burns the number for his homeroom into his memory, repeating it silently to himself, but as he does so he misses half of the other locations Jonghyun leads him between. _Shoot…_ Taeyong takes a glance back down the hallway they just crossed and wonders if he’ll be able to find it all in the morning. The obvious answer is to ask Jonghyun for a recap but the knots in his stomach don’t let him. 

Besides, there’s something heavier weighing down on his shoulders. Which is why, when they step outside for air and Jonghyun asks him if he has any questions, only one question comes to mind.

“Have--” 

He’s cut off immediately. A group jogs casually up to Jonghyun and strikes up a conversation. Taeyong shifts, taking a small step behind Jonghyun in time to get noticed by one of the boys. He watches the stranger’s expression scrunch and fall, and the answer he was hoping to seek from Jonghyun strikes him straight in the face.

_“Have you heard about why I transferred?”_

The answer has to be yes.

Jonghyun doesn’t seem to catch it. He’s quick to part with the group and turn to give his whole attention back to Taeyong. “What were you saying?”

Taeyong stammers. “Nothing. Never mind, I think I figured it out.” The goodness he was feeling has ebbed away. Taeyong just wants to go home. “I have a good sense of the school so I think I’ll be able to make my way around on my own tomorrow. Anything else we need to do?”

Jonghyun says “No” but he looks like he knows something is off with Taeyong. He even leans in, prompting Taeyong to swallow and pray that his cheeks aren’t turning pink.

“Are you sure?” Jonghyun asks.

Taeyong’s brain reawakens and jerks him back, putting proper space between them. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Jonghyun’s smile returns as he straightens. “Do you remember where the teachers’ office is? They should have your ID ready there. I can go with you if you need.”

“No worries, I remember.”

“Okay. I’ll see you in class tomorrow, then? Oh-- wait!” Before Taeyong can blink, Jonghyun has his phone held out between them. “Want to take my Kakao ID?” He explains it’s for questions or concerns-- anything that pops up. He tells Taeyong he’s happy to help.

“Are you sure?” Taeyong blurts out. _Idiot._ Jonghyun tilts his head and Taeyong hurries to brush past his small outburst. “I-- Yeah, sure. Let me just get my phone.” 

His stomach feels tight as he swipes open his QR code and gets it scanned. _You probably won’t want to use that,_ Taeyong thinks bitterly. _You probably won’t want to stay linked to me after this.’_ Jonghyun seems like a nice guy, far nicer than Taeyong needs to taint. 

He plasters a smile onto his face and peels away to get his ID and get the hell out of there. 

His mom greets him warmly when he steps through the door, cooing over the photo in his ID and teasing him, with pride, since he returned unscathed. “It’s just school, mom,” Taeyong whines, but he appreciates that they can be playful despite it all. She even makes a nice dinner for them to celebrate. Taeyong doesn’t deserve-- but he will indulge. And he’ll pray that the next day goes just as smoothly. 

He’s about to settle in his room for the night when a buzz from his pocket startles him. The number has no name in his phone-- in fact, he doesn’t bother adding a name until they’re deep enough into their friendship that Taeyong’s anxiety finally can’t overshadow reality-- but he knows who it is. Actually, it really could only be one of so many people. The Squirtle sticker at the top only confirms it. 

_“I hope it doesn’t get you down before you’ve started. My best advice is-- it’s not you, it’s them!!”_

Taeyong doesn’t know what to do with that. It’s… too kind to even process, really. Jonghyun may be school president but even this seems like more than any goody two shoes student would want to be doing-- especially in their free time. His brows pinch and his fingers eventually tap out the start of a reply but he hates his own words and quickly erases them. That happens three times before Taeyong eventually gives up. He tosses his phone to his bed and swivels back towards his desk to unwind. 

_How is this happening?!_ Taeyong doesn’t have time to think though. He doesn’t even have time to sweat as he sprints out of the subway stop and down the street towards school. He thought he’d done everything right, but his watch burns on his wrist with a countdown he’s not sure he’s going to make. His first day, everyone’s already whispering about him, and he’s going to be late? Late before the class was worse than yesterday’s late to meet the teacher. Maybe Taeyong really wasn’t cut out for this. 

But he bursts through the door with seconds to spare. Catching his breath, Taeyong takes note that his own homeroom teacher isn’t even around. He’s never been this lucky in his whole life. Maybe he should buy a lottery ticket (or maybe he should finally submit that application). From the corner of his eye he catches the movement of someone relaxing and he turns to see Jonghyun. He looks relieved. Taeyong doesn’t really understand. 

Still, it makes him smile.

That’s one part of the reason why he seeks Jonghyun out and lunch. That, and his phone feels heavy with the messages Taeyong didn’t reply to last night. Plus Jonghyun took him all around yesterday. That’s the excuse he gives, anyway, when Jonghyun asks why he wanted to meet. 

There’s a convenience store he passed on his way in, one that nearly caught his attention enough to stop and stare had he not been running so late that morning, and to his luck Jonghyun grins and agrees to go. 

Taeyong _loves_ convenience store food. And even saying it like that might be an understatement. It’s the snacks, and the sandwiches-- especially when they stock those fruit ones imitating what’s available in Japan. Gosh, those are the best. And a poster in the window is advertising just that. Though he has his sandwiches in hand, it doesn’t stop him from also grabbing a silly amount of sweets and chips as well. He knows he’ll get hungry later, he has P.E. at the end of the day after all! 

When he returns to Jonghyun’s side he sees the other has nothing in his hands. “Oh.” Taeyong’s cheeks flush. He can barely handle all of the bags in his grasp. Jonghyun’s eyes seem to be scanning all over the place. “What’re you looking for?”

“There’s this strawberry aloe drink that everyone’s been talking about. Have you had it?”

“Strawberry… aloe?” Taeyong hums. He’s seen a few different types in general, but one that everyone’s been into? He pushes all of his snacks into the crook of one arm, squeezing them tight to his chest so nothing falls loose (especially not the sandwiches), and pushes onto his toes. “I think… this one.” He reaches across Jonghyun and points to one with a sky blue label, hyper-cutesy, with a logo of a strawberry dancing with an aloe leaf. 

Jonghyun takes it into his hand and looks it over. “Oh. Yeah, I think it is! Have you had it?”

“No, not yet.” Taeyong shakes his head. “It looks good though.”

“Try one with me.”

“Huh? But I have all of this. I’m okay really!” 

But Jonghyun’s already turned towards the counter and is primed to buy two drinks. Taeyong invited him out and he’s the one being treated, it feels like something backfired here…. 

(Also Jonghyun says that two bottles of juice left meant it was a sign they should both have it, and that makes his face feel warm again.) 

Taeyong trails out the automatic door, managing a lot easier now thanks to the plastic bag the cashier has given him. She also has slipped in a sandwich to balance out his snack-tooth. Taeyong wonders if everyone in this area is this nice, or if he’s just fortunate to have his days filled with Jonghyun and this friendly cashier. He spots the former and bounds over, unwrapping his sandwich at the same time. 

“Where’d that come from?” Jonghyun asks with a laugh that only grows louder when Taeyong explains, especially when he adds: “She said something like ‘You look like you could use the protein,’ which I guess really isn’t wrong or anything.” 

“You’re a real charmer, huh?”

“N-no.” Taeyong’s cheeks flush warmer than he’ll ever want to admit. “It’s not that.” He doesn’t find himself charming _at all._ “The cashier was just nice.” She really was. Taeyong would like all attention to go to her, please. Thanks.

Taeyong follows Jonghyun back to their school campus like a puppy. He’s being good-- he hasn’t stuffed more sandwich into his face as they’ve walked, despite how much he wants to finish it and tear into a bag of cookies. They settle on a bench, and Jonghyun hands over one of the drinks he’s bought them both. Around a mouthful of bread Taeyong mutters “Thanks” and bows his head. Then it hits him.

“Wait... have you eaten?”

Jonghyun must not have expected that question because he pauses mid sip and shifts slightly in his seat. Eventually, with an ever so casual smile back on his face, he shakes his head. “Uh. No, but it’s okay. I’ll have something during my off period later.” 

“Off period?!” Taeyong balks, loud enough that some students milling nearby pause and turn to look. He ignores them and shakes his head. “You can’t just not eat at lunch. Here.” It takes some maneuvering-- he has to put his drink between his thighs to free up a hand and the snacks in his bag slosh around dangerously as he adjusts-- but he manages to rip a good chunk of the part he hasn’t eaten and places it into Jonghyun’s hand.

He realizes it’s weird. He realizes _he’s_ weird. Why would a day-two stranger want to eat Taeyong’s scraps? Even if he’s bought him a drink, it doesn’t mean their _friends._ But sometimes Taeyong’s heart acts faster than his brain, and it would be rude to invite someone to lunch only to make them starve. His brain may be embarrassed, but his hands don’t regret their work. He clears his throat and says, “Finish it. I have all these snacks to get me through the day.” 

Then he’s rushed with relief when Jonghyun doesn’t refuse. He almost wants to say thanks but Jonghyun does it instead. That makes sense, a ‘thank you’ would be his line anyway. 

They eat in relative quiet, until Taeyong crinkles up his sandwich wrapped and fishes out those cookies. It’s okay, though, because Jonghyun meets his noise with a soft _tst_ from his bottle of juice. Taeyong accidentally looks over, their eyes meet, he blushes and the hurries to open his own drink. Jonghyun laughs. He offers his bottle over the small space between them. “Cheers.” 

Taeyong scrambles a little bit to get his own drink open but soon manages to meet Jonghyun’s and smile. “Cheers.” Oh. Maybe he should’ve swallowed his cookies before speaking. 

He understands, now, why this drink is so popular. It’s sweet but not too sweet. Taeyong doesn’t always like that, but it works here. He finds it refreshing more than anything so he may need to start investing in some himself. He’ll have to check the vending machine on his way home. And while he’s at it, “You know, there’s a vending machine not too far from my house that always seems to have these stocked. Would you want me to bring you a few?” 

For once he’s not the only one with colored cheeks. Pink looks good on Jonghyun, and Taeyong can’t help grinning at how cutely he declines the offer while waving his free hand in front of himself. Taeyong just shrugs, enjoying that he can feel _cool_ for the first time in a while. “It’s no trouble. It’s your call though.”

Of course, it’s absolutely not Jonghyun’s call. No sooner than he steps on the street of his apartment is he at the vending machine, feeding coin after coin until he has just enough bottles to hold in his arms and hug to his chest. “This should be enough,” he whispers to himself triumphantly. Jonghyun should like this. 

Strawberry aloe goes out of season, but they no longer need it to ice break their conversations. Jonghyun is a good friend. At his old school, Taeyong thought he had good friends but their kindness has nothing on Jonghyun. He’s like light incarnate, bright and striking, maybe sometimes blinding, but warm and guiding. He may or may not have written some lyrics like that at one point into their first shared semester; in a notebook that he hides from Jonghyun for as long as he can.

Until one day, when Jonghyun takes him by the hand and drags him outside because the weather is too nice to pass up and they don’t have to study for exams. Taeyong huffs and pouts and complains about everything from heat to bugs, but he still settled under Jonghyun’s favorite tree and adjusts himself so that his friend can lay comfortably at his side. There is a lot to like about the outdoors, he guesses. A lot to get lost in. Taeyong fishes out a notebook and bites on the end of his pen. He hums.

“What’re you studying?”

Taeyong jolts. He looks down at his writing then back over to Jonghyun. He could lie (but then his grades might eventually give him away, oops). “I’m not studying, actually.” 

“Oh?” Jonghyun pushes himself up a bit. Propped up on his elbows, he looks to Taeyong with bright, intrigued eyes. “What’re you working on then? Can I ask?” 

“Sure, you can ask.” Taeyong laughs at his own comment. His fingers start shaking, but he does push the pages of the notebook open as much as he can and nudges it down his thighs for Jonghyun to take a better look. 

He asks if it’s poetry, and Taeyong realizes once again he could take this out and say yes. Spare his pride and all that. But lying to Jonghyun feels icky-- ickier than _withholding information_ like he’s gotten good at, despite the rumors swirling around them. So Taeyong shakes his head, lets his fingers play with the edges of his paper to loosen some of the anxious tension building up in his muscles, and mutters, “They’re-- They’re actually song lyrics.” 

Taeyong’s chest tightens around his racing heart. It’s been a long time since he’s let anyone read the words he’s written and watching Jonghyun’s eyes slide along the pages is almost too much to bear. Maybe those lies would’ve been better. Thankfully, though, he doesn’t turn the pages. Jonghyun looks back to him to compliment his work. “These are good.” 

Then he asks the dreaded question: “Do you want to be a singer?” 

“Sort of,” Taeyong blurts back before any of his contemplative whines could escape first. Oh Gods, now he has to _explain_ that doesn’t he? Maybe one whine won’t hurt-- his pride is already in shambles. “I think rapping might be more my style. B-but I wouldn’t mind being an idol, either. They seem to be able to do it all. Variety sounds fun.”

Jonghyun agrees. _What?_ Taeyong stares at his friend. Jonghyun… has agreed. Not with idolhood being fun but that he can see Taeyong as an idol. “Lee Taeyong,” Jonghyun says almost starry eyed, like he’s looking at flashing lights. “An idol.” 

Taeyong snatches his notebook into his hands and taps Jonghyun’s arm. “Stop!” But Jonghyun’s compliments keep coming. He asserts his certainty that Taeyong would make a great idol, that he fits on a stage. He sees it as clear as day. And right when Taeyong is ready to implode from kindness, Jonghyun surprises him with an unexpected request-- “Let’s do karaoke sometime.”

Taeyong’s anxiety wants to say no. Karaoke is a sacred space for him, where he feels his freest and where he can practice the most earnestly. Letting someone else into that… but that someone else is Jonghyun. They’ve only known each other a few months by now but maybe that’s enough time. Taeyong let him read his lyrics, after all. So he _does_ text Jonghyun and he sends over the address to his favorite place and makes them a reservation. (He also breaks out the soju he’s had since attending his old school and pours it into some water bottles. Jonghyun might not need it but Taeyong definitely does.

He worries Jonghyun might judge him when he pulls bottles out. So much so that he doesn’t even answer his friend with more than a raised brow and a grin when he’s asked about it. “Really?” Jonghyun’s eyes blow wide. But he doesn’t look mad about it. And even better he doesn’t look like he expected it either, from someone of ‘Taeyong’s reputation.’ He’s probably more shocked than anything and Taeyong can’t fault him for that. Jonghyun really is a good guy in all definitions. He would drink underage-- Oh. He takes a bottle and taps it with Taeyong’s. He grows sheepish but smiles back and takes a sip. It’s nice to not drink alone.

Taeyong though? He’s one-third through a bottle before he picks up the mic for something that isn’t a duet. He decides to go for a hip hop song. It’s his first time ‘performing’ for Jonghyun so he’s got to do it well, right? Rapping is his best skill. 

Taeyong’s sweating by the time he finishes. One hand scrambles for the aircon control on the wall and the other not-so-subtly tries to hide his face. But Jonghyun’s already and easily applauding him. “Let’s do another duet.” Jonghyun grins and reaches over to tug Taeyong back to his side. “You pick the song.” 

Suddenly there’s no more alcohol. Taeyong’s a giggling mess, splayed across the couches, and Jonghyun caught a case of the hiccups but he’s laughing all the way through it anyway. “Hold on!” He drops his hand on Taeyong’s shoulder a little bit harder than he means to, then rubs aggressively to alleviate any pain he might’ve caused. Taeyong’s totally fine, but he lets Jonghyun do it anyway. “Put this song back in the system, I need to go to the bathroom and I wanna sing it together.” 

“Why can’t I sing it alone, and again together.”

“No.” Jonghyun puts on a mock serious tone and waves a finger in Taeyong’s face. “First time has to be together. Okay, I’ll be back.” He pushes himself from the couch and out the door before Taeyong can slip in a rebuttal. But Taeyong wasn’t going to anway. He’s cancelled the song and re-enters the code. But he doesn’t press play. Not yet. Instead he tosses the mic carefully between his hands, thinking. Thinking…

He has his notebook in his bag but he chooses not to pull it out. It’s all in his head anyway-- at least the most recent ones. And it’s not just hubris heightened by the alcohol he swears. So… he flips the mic on again, does a quick sound check, a little bit of beatboxing, and gives the new song a go. 

“Hm…” The flow is almost there. His first go wasn’t the best and suddenly he laments not having his guitar-- or at least his tablet for some music mixing software. Taeyong glances towards the door and it looks like he’s still safe. Maybe enough time to take another chance. He tries for it. 

And no sooner does he start than the door opens up. Taeyong’s voice cuts mid-line and an embarrassed whimper rounds out the end. He shoots Jonghyun a pleading look but gets nothing in response other than, “So you ready for that duet?” 

He’s not off the hook for long, though. And maybe it’s Taeyong who brings it onto himself by pulling his notebook out in front of his friend but still, he isn’t ready when Jonghyun says, “I’ve heard there are some idol companies who have walk-in auditions on Saturday.”

“... Yeah?” 

“And some that are always accepting video auditions.” 

Taeyong knows.

“I think you should submit your songs somewhere.”

“Jonghyun.” Taeyong’s throat grows tight. 

“I mean it! You write well. You sound good.”

Taeyong doesn’t need Jonghyun to explain that he overheard him when they were at karaoke but he doesn’t interrupt him as he does. He also doesn’t speak up when Jonghyun makes his plea for hearing more of Taeyong’s original works. He says he likes it. He says he wants to help. Taeyong… could use the help, the motivation. It's a dream he _wants._ So, so badly. He looks up to Jonghyun and nods. “Okay,” he agrees, voice small. “Why don’t we meet by my apartment and you can… help.” However that’ll work. Taeyong doesn’t really know right now.

But they figure it out. 

Mostly it’s Taeyong playing guitar or tapping out beats from his tablet, whispering lines over his compositions until Jonghyun nudges him to be louder. “I can’t get a good sense for the song if I can’t hear it,” Jonghyun always teases and Taeyong knows he’s right, but it isn’t until a few weeks in that he makes peace with this being A Thing (their thing). And the fact is, if he wants Jonghyun’s help he has to let him hear his progress so far. 

Taeyong strums on the wrong chord and flops his head down. As he groans, Jonghyun perks up behind him, from where they’re pressed back to back, and he looks over his shoulder. “Taeyong? Everything okay?” 

Taeyong grumbles. 

“Hm?”

“... No.” 

Jonghyun shifts around, setting the book he’s studying from aside so his whole attention can be Taeyong’s. “What’s up?” 

“I think this song could be it,” he says but it holds no confidence. “If I can get this recorded, I think I can submit it to one of those open auditions.”

“That’s great!”

Taeyong still doesn’t look at him though. He’s not excited. Because, “It’s not right. It’s not coming together how it needs to and I can’t figure it out.” 

To Taeyong’s confusion Jonghyun extends his hand out. He hesitates, unsure of what Jonghyun’s looking for until a finger points to his tablet. “Oh?” He gives it over but it doesn’t help his understanding at all. Jonghyun doesn’t do music the way Taeyong does-- does he even know how to use his apps? 

The answer is no. But Jonghyun explains: “I think you should take this part-- your bridge a little slower. Then rev back up at the chorus. Also I think this part might be a bit too high, so what if you pitch it down?” 

Taeyong blinks, then nods, then notes those adjustments before taking his device back. “I’ll try that. Uh… Okay, how about this.” He props his tablet against his backpack and readjusts his guitar in his lap. It’s not an exact sound--it could never be--but at least he can get a feel for Jonghyun’s suggestions. He gives it a go.

“Yes. That! Just like that!” Jonghyun exclaims, even hopping onto his feet and putting his hands on Taeyong’s shoulders. He rubs gently. Taeyong hasn’t even strummed his last chord but his eyes are wide and his cheeks, yet again, are red. Jonghyun always does that to him… 

He finally looks up just as his friend pulls away to gather his things. “Oh. It’s time already?” Taeyong shifts his hold on his guitar and stands. He guesses the sun is setting, and his phone says it’s nearly time for his mom to get home. He should get dinner ready for her. But he wanted to do another test run of his song with Jonghyun still here. He reaches out and catches his sleeve. 

And maybe Jonghyun knows that, which is why he gives him a soft, sympathetic smile. “You should record a final mix this week. I really think you’ve got it and maybe by the weekend we can have it submitted?”

“That’s so soon.”

“Is it too much work? I really don’t know how these things work, huh…? I don’t want to overwhelm you or anything so take your time--”

“No, no it’s not that,” Taeyong cuts in, shaking his head slowly. “Just, submitting it. It feels so soon. I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

“Don’t think about that part yet,” Jonghyun chides softly. A hand presses to Taeyong’s cheek and it prompts their eyes to come together. “Get the recording first and then we can decide, okay? I’ll come over this weekend unless you tell me to stay away.”

As if Taeyong could ever, _would ever,_ do something like that. His lips quirk into an awkward, turtle-esque smile. His brows pinch, upward and hopeful. “I’ll see you Saturday then.”

Of course, they also see each other every day in between at school. Though Taeyong’s focus on his work fades with each all-nighter he pulls in preparation for the weekend. By Friday, he’s ready to fall asleep in his seat, and probably would have if it were not for the grace of Jonghyun bringing him coffee. “Can’t wait for tomorrow.” Jonghyun smiles, nudging him gently with his elbow. 

“Mmm.” Taeyong groans as a non answer, filling his stomach up with nothing but cream and sugar laden caffeine. 

Jonghyun laughs. “I’ll take that as a ‘see you then.’ Don’t stay up too late tonight!”

Taeyong makes no promise because he knows he won’t keep it. And when they meet, the bags under his eyes are so dark Jonghyun’s own eyes grow wide. “Guess you didn’t listen to me, huh?” 

Taeyong shakes his head ‘no’ but he’s grinning really wide. He reaches into his pocket for a small mp3 player and a mess of tangled headphones, placing the whole thing into Jonghyun’s palm. “It’s done.”

“Yeah?” All of Jonghyun alights before him. He’s already working on freeing the headphones from themselves, pressing them into his ears. “Ah, wait.” He wants to listen badly but he knows better than to jump right into it. Or rather, he knows that Taeyong will stand there, stiff as a board, and stare with wide and panicked eyes until he’s done listening. He’ll spare them both that. 

Jonghyun links his fingers with the ones Taeyong still has held out between them and tugs Taeyong over to the vending machines. “Let me buy something for you to celebrate.” He glances at their options and-- oh! Strawberry aloe is back! He’ll get some of that for them later, though, because right now Taeyong points out a canned milk tea. 

They settle together on the bench, back to back per usual, and Jonghyun can’t wait to listen. He doesn’t even open up his own can, just drinks down the melodies resonating in his ears and around his head. It’s… soothing. He can’t help glance back to Taeyong whose attention is fixed on fidgeting with his pop tab. “Up til now it’s been all aggressive beats and hard raps. You really caught me off guard.” 

“I didn’t mean to,” Taeyong mutters. “I just thought--” 

“This is beautiful,” Jonghyun cuts in. “I never imagined you’d make something like this but it’s perfect. “This is what you need to send. Trust me. It’s perfect.”

Taeyong shifts, drawing his legs closer to him. Then he decides he doesn’t like that position, so he lets his head fall back until it hits Jonghyun’s shoulder. He lets out a sigh but doesn’t say any more, not until Jonghyun starts on his third listen of his song and tells him the world will love it-- and him.

“Do you really think so?” Taeyong draws the headphone away from his ear and holds it gingerly in his palm. “What if I’m in over my head?” Because Taeyong has a bad past. He knows it. The other students at school know it. The teachers know it. Somehow it seems like everyone is aware except Jonghyun. Taeyong can’t understand how that is. “Is becoming a celebrity a good idea when I can’t even change schools without these shadows following me?”

He glances down. Jonghyun’s hand has fallen over his own. He’s swiping his thumb over Taeyong’s skin. Taeyong feels like he can breathe again. Just in time for Jonghyun to ask: “What happened at your old school?”

“I’m surprised you didn’t ask earlier.”

He doesn’t like the word ‘bully’ but he doesn’t think he deserves any other title. His former ‘friends’ were bullies, and he just stuck around and let it happen because it felt safer to stick with them than to stand up to them. But when he broke out of that cycle, and he’d hoped to make amends, they spun the narrative around and pinned everything onto Taeyong. When they told him he was expelled he couldn’t even think to fight it because half of the things they accused him of he _had_ done-- just not as often or as terribly as the others. 

At least he managed to apologize to the people he hurt. That was his one silver lining in otherwise dark grey clouds.

Taeyong calls them ‘mistakes’ though he knows they were more than that. He calls himself ‘pathetic,’ and that he feels quite strongly. When he looks back to Jonghyun, his expression seems pensive but he doesn’t look put off. He doesn’t seem upset either. All this time he worried he was sullying Jonghyun’s pristine image, and telling him would bring those fears to fruition but… maybe not?

Jonghyun finally replies, “Making mistakes is one thing. Realizing those mistakes is another. I don’t think you sound pathetic.” 

Leave it to him to give a very logical, very sweet and simple response to Taeyong’s turmoil. And leave it to Taeyong to be unable to accept it. “But--” Taeyong starts to protest, leaning in, leaving room for Jonghyun to stop him. He doesn’t. (Of course he wouldn’t.) Taeyong should’ve expected as much. He lets out a sigh. “... Why would anyone believe me?”

Jonghyun straightens his spine and glances off to the side. His nose scrunches in thought until he settles on this: “They might not. I don’t think that means you shouldn’t try, though.” His attention is back on Taeyong and he links their hands again. “Be honest and let them decide what they want to do with that.”

Taeyong squeezes hard. His chest and his throat compete for who can twist up tighter. “...And what if they don’t want me?” He squeaks out. 

Shoulders curling forward, Taeyong wants nothing more than to fold into himself until he’s unseeable and never do this again. Jonghyun doesn’t stand for that, though. Twisting all the way around, he pulls Taeyong’s attention back to him. Voice soft, eyes forward, he holds Taeyong’s hand tighter. “You know I wouldn’t lie to you.” Taeyong does know that, of course. He drops his head lower. “And I can’t say one way or another, whether they’ll want you or not.” Now, Jonghyun shakes their held hands loosely, sharing support in any way he can. “Isn’t it better to try and find out?” 

Jonghyun gives him a choice-- refuse to audition so that the control of his fate remains in his hands, or take a gamble, give control up, and take the chance at his dreams. 

Taeyong… He wants his dreams. He wants to try, at least. He’s never felt more confident than in these days of being Jonghyun’s friend. If he doesn’t try it now, he knows he’ll probably never.

But he can’t let himself _say that,_ so he has to be a bit bratty. “... That’s not all that helpful, Jonghyun.” Taeyong pouts.

Jonghyun laughs loudly, hanging his head to silently apologize. Then he shifts gears. “Want to know what I’d do?” He pulls away, much to Taeyong’s horror, but starts to gather the discarded mp3 player into his hands. He looks at Taeyong’s, prompting him to hold his palms out so he can place everything between them. “Send it in.”

Honestly, that’s all Taeyong needs to hear. Even though he’s still swimming in anxiety, even though his Adam’s apple trembles as he brings the player to his chest and grips tight, he knows. He wants this. And Jonghyun tells him to do it. It only leaves one question left. “if it doesn’t work… will you still be here?”

Jonghyun smiles widely, brightly, brilliantly. He reaches for Taeyong again, holds him close, and nods over and over and over again. “Of course. And when, _when_ you make it I’ll still be here.”

With a soft push of encouragement, Taeyong gathers all the things he’s prepared to submit. He has an application, some headshots that Jonghyun helped him take and print, a few more lyric samples, and the mp3 player. He lets out a heavy breath and slips everything into the addressed envelope, bites his lip as he prepares to seal it.

“Wait!”

“Wh-what?” Taeyong stammers, looking over. He clutches the envelope to his chest. Did he do something wrong?

“I brought extra batteries just in case. That way if it runs out they can still hear your stuff. Maybe they’ll think you’re extra considerate too.”

“You think of everything, don’t you? _You’re_ the considerate one. Maybe you should be the idol instead.”

“No way. That’s all you, friend. Now.” Jonghyun’s voice trails and he nudges Taeyong forward with a playful push of his elbow. “Send it in.” 

Taeyong staggers forward. Shaky hands finally tug the envelope away from his chest. He checks it over and over again--application, mp3 player, batteries, photos, lyrics. It’s all there. But maybe he needs to look again? Ah, no. _Get it together._ He seals it, closes his eyes and opens the hatch on the mailbox. His chance at his dreams fall in with a soft _thunk._

When he turns around, focused mostly on his burning eyes and tight throat, Jonghyun is standing there, two more drinks in hand. Two strawberry aloe juices. Taeyong smiles, bright and warm, as he takes the one being handed his way. 

“Cheers.” Jonghyun grins, twisting the cap and tapping them both together.

Tension melts from Taeyong’s shoulders, and the wider Jonghyun smiles the warmer Taeyong feels. He did it, thanks to Jonghyun. Now only time can tell if it’ll work or not. But… Jonghyun will be here regardless, so Taeyong feels like he can’t lose. He opens up his own bottle of juice and steals another tap of plastic to plastic, pulling Jonghyun’s eyes back up to meet his own again. There are so many, maybe too many, things he thinks to say--things he wants to say--but all he manages is one more: “Cheers.”

That feels like enough for now.

x

Jonghyun almost misses his stop. Taeyong’s voice is loud in his ears and he’s sleepier than he wants to admit to himself. The combo is clearly enough to overpower the soft voice of the train announcement _but_ he does catch it just as the door opens and manages to sprint out just in time.

He knows it's in his head, but the air around here always feels fresher-- even when he’s still underground in station. That’s how he knows he’s deluding himself a bit. But the memories tied here are fresh and invigorating, just like he was breathing clean air, so he only questions his ridiculousness a little bit. 

He comes once a month, if he can swing it. It is equally as ridiculous for him to be spending the time and money traveling here alone. At most there’s a nice drink from the vending machine and a nice, quiet night he can take to himself. But he comes all the same. 

As he gets closer, and spots a shadow of someone else hanging by the vending machines, Jonghyun slows his steps and checks his phone. It’s pretty late, and about the time he usually comes; when the town has settled and he doesn’t have to worry about being called a trespasser (the space is public but it’s close enough to the apartment complex that lingering comes across as weirder than Jonghyun wants.) He wonders if he should pivot and go. 

But then the stranger turns. There’s something about the line of his nose and his jaw, the silhouettes of his face against the setting sun. Jonghyun finds himself staring for much longer than should be socially acceptable. Then he realizes why.

“Oh?”

The other man startles.

Jonghyun is quick to look around. He knows he knows who that is-- but is something else here? Will he make a mistake in calling out his name? The coast seems clear, so he dares to call out “Taeyong?” in the softest voice he can manage. 

“What’re you doing here?”

It’s a fair question. Jonghyun knows it’s strange, coming all the way to a small neighborhood that has nothing to do with him. He nods his head towards the vending machine and answers with craving a drink--which isn’t a lie--and echoes Taeyong’s surprise. “I think I could ask you the same?”

“That all?”

Taeyong looks… so sad as he asks that. Is Jonghyun reading him correctly? But he’s always known how Taeyong’s eyes get glassy when he’s feeling upset and the ways his stance shifts when he’s uncomfortable. Surely it wouldn’t be different now? So, taking that leap of faith that he still knows the man he once called his best friend, Jonghyun shakes his head and says “No.” Because if it was really only about drinks he’d ask his coworkers to hunt things down for him. 

He comes here for the memories, for the comfort, and most of all for a moment of connection to the Taeyong that used to sing uncertain lyrics to him in the glow of the sunset. But part of all of that is his favorite seasonal strawberry aloe that happens to be well stocked right now-- and very spilt across the sidewalk in the wake of their unintentional surprise. “Who would’ve thought…”

Jonghyun smiles and readjusts his bag, following as Taeyong’s eyes dropped down to-- “Oh.” His plush. Taeyong’s pointing at it now. “Do you like it?” He asks with a soft laugh. 

“Where’d you get that? I wanted to ask but I didn’t see it until you’d left that-- that day.”

“I won it at work.”

It feels a little weird explaining it. Taeyong’s an _idol_ and Jonghyun manages an arcade. He knows that from the outside looking in he probably looks like one big fall from grace-- top of the class to working varying shifts in a non-professional space. But he likes it, and he hopes by the way he talks about it Taeyong will see that too. 

“That seems to suit you,” Taeyong adds after a whole string of questions revolving around Jonghyun’s choice of crane game prize _and_ showing off his own matching plush. “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you talk so brightly.”

“Me?” Bright? Oh, is Jonghyun blushing now? “Thanks.” And now he’s found the feeling in his feet again. He can take those final steps keeping distance between them. He can move his arms until they’re wrapped around Taeyong, until he’s pressed against his chest. 

Taeyong tightens his hold. Jonghyun feels built and broad. Taeyong’s hands are only on his back but it makes him wonder how the rest of him is. Has he been working out? It’s… nice to know he’s taking care of himself. No more not eating meals out of stress, no more long nights of studying--Taeyong noticed this when they met at his fan sign. He feels healthy. Taeyong feels good for him. “I’ve missed you,” he whispers.

Jonghyun has missed him too. He says just as much. 

After an exchange of blushes and timid fidgeting, Taeyong draws out a perfectly folded piece of paper from the envelope he’s been holding--the envelope Jonghyun gave to him at the fansign--and places it into his hands. “I was going to mail it, but since you’re here... D-don’t read it now though. I think I’ll combust on the spot.”

“Okay, okay. I won’t.” Jonghyun spares him any additional anxiety by slipping the paper into his bag. He digs out his wallet as well and steps back not to pull away, but to turn towards the vending machines.“I spilled yours earlier. Let me get you another one.”

Taeyong, by some miracle, doesn’t object. As he goes back to the benches and Jonghyun turns his back to get drinks, he lets out a low, long breath. His heart rattles hard in his chest, even in this moment of ‘reprieve’ he’s getting. He never really prepared. Or, well, he read up on _fan signs._ He was only as ready as the few minutes he thought he’d be given with Taeyong a few weeks ago. This? Jonghyun could only laugh at how ridiculous he felt.

He takes a long inhale through his nose and throws on his best smile, spinning on his heels to head back to Taeyong’s side. Taeyong takes the drink with a nod of his head but the first words out of his mouth aren’t about sweet drinks or time passed. It’s about, “My number? Yep. Haven’t changed it once. You want it again?”

“I’ve got it.”

Jonghyun’s brows raise and his eyes blow wider and wider as Taeyong takes out his phone. Then types in Jonghyun’s number. Then sends him a text just to confirm it’s right. Did _he_ even have Taeyong’s old number memorized? 

Does that even matter at this point?

He pulls out his own phone and flashes the cat sticker. “All set. Text me whenever you want,” he says lightheartedly but means with every ounce of his whole being.

Finally Jonghyun takes a seat at the opposite end of the bench, putting almost more distance between them than they had across the whole width of a table. It doesn’t feel right. Even Taeyong turns his head to look at the empty wood. But they both pick the same second to slide over and inevitably bump shoulders and heads. Taeyong’s first to laugh. “Aaaah… Doesn’t matter how many years of practice I have, I’m still clumsy.”

Jonghyun rubs at his forehead. “Good. I wouldn’t want anything to change.” 

Taeyong shoots him a look, lips quirking into a smirk. It’s infectious. Jonghyun smiles too.

“So how have things been?” 

They talk idol life first, not just because Jonghyun insists its the most fascinating thing to share but also because between them both Taeyong looks to have changed the most. That’s not _entirely_ true though, Jonghyun learns. He’s the same Taeyong, just with a new type of wall built around the dream chasing, stubborn, sweet kid that Jonghyun grew up with.

“And what about you? You know, I never thought that I’d see you at a fansign. I didn’t think you liked idol music.”

“Don’t say that so loud, you’ll send the rabid fans after me!” Jonghyun chuckles. “I like idol music enough. And I like _your_ music a lot.”

But that doesn’t quite touch on the whole _showing up at the fansign_ thing does it? Even for Jonghyun, making that decision is still a blur even now. It was because he didn’t make it in the first try; he knows that much. Jonghyun entered only on a whim but realized how deeply he wanted it when that email said “no.” Suddenly he started worrying-- what if this were to be his only opportunity? Taeyong was only getting more and more popular. Jonghyun _at least_ wanted one chance. He’d wanted one more moment, even if it was just to say he was proud of Taeyong one last time.

Jonghyun scratches the back of his neck. “You know, I didn’t even think I’d make it in. Actually, I didn’t even the first time.” Taeyong mouths ‘first time?’ with widening eyes. “I saw a girl buy twenty-five and figured she might be onto something. I still think it was a miracle it worked!”

But that _still_ wasn’t really an answer. Jonghyun shifts in his seat, swaying side to side slowly. He’s not deliberately avoiding talking about it. His brain just happens to be taking all of the backroads available before driving to the point. “I just wanted to see you,” he finally gets out in a puff of laughter. “I didn’t want to miss my chance. Twenty-five albums is already a lot!”

“It is.” Taeyong nods in agreement and laughs as well. At some point during Jonghyun’s winding thoughts, Taeyong had scooted closer. Now they were close enough that if one leaned in their shoulders would likely brush. “I could, uh, sign those for you if you want. Help you make some of your money back.” 

“Huh? Oh no. I don’t mind. It supported you and we got to meet. I got more than the money’s worth out of it. And now you’re here.” Jonghyun takes that dive, inclining to the left just until they can touch. “If we hadn’t met then I don’t know if I would’ve had the courage to talk to you now.”

“I-if you hadn’t come then,” Taeyong starts, taking a pause to lean his head back and look at the sky. “I don’t know if I’d be here now. I hadn’t missed home this much… until I read your letter.” He settles against Jonghyun’s side.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you sooner.” Jonghyun let’s slip-- well, maybe more like blurts out. “There were so many opportunities early on. I should’ve gone to support you.” It had been his own anxiety that kept him from going to Taeyong’s early gatherings (all of his busking events and schoolyard meet and greets). “I feel… so… like I didn’t consider what you needed and all the hardship you were going through.”

When Taeyong left… it wasn’t easy for Jonghyun. He hadn’t been happier than the day Taeyong received his acceptance into his company. He also hadn’t realized that acceptance meant leaving, until the day Taeyong was set to depart. And even then he didn’t quite process what that meant. But between the walls of their high school felt empty. And all the things like studying for entrance exams, school trips, graduation, were moments together that he didn’t realize would hurt to be apart. After his debut, word (and photos) got out about Taeyong’s ‘graduation’ from an arts school and Jonghyun couldn’t help but wonder _’Why wasn’t I there?’ ‘Why couldn’t I have you at what should’ve been ours together?_ They were cruel, bitter thoughts. Jonghyun never resented Taeyong for his dreams, but he couldn’t stave off how lonely he was in the void Taeyong had left. And he let it keep them apart longer than they needed to be.

And now it all just melts into guilt. 

“If I can make it up to you now, I’m here. You have my number so whenever, wherever, even if you're on a twelve hour time difference--”

“Jonghyun,” Taeyong cuts him off in a gentle tone. “I know. I’ve always known. It was my fault I didn’t reach out to you. It was _me_ who was too nervous to face you, even when things worked out. Don’t blame yourself.”

Jonghyun huffs out a laugh, shaking his head at himself though smiling all the same. “You know I can’t help it. I would’ve blamed myself if you didn’t get in.”

Taeyong lifts his hand tentatively, then, in a surge of certainty, places it over Jonghyun’s. “Then I hope you also take credit for the fact that I did. I’d never be here without you.” With that, and a held breath, Taeyong rests completely against Jonghyun. Jonghyun revels in it. A weight that’s never been more perfect-- truly made to be carried on his shoulders, though all their hardships shared and alone. “Hey,” he calls Taeyong’s attention to him and holds out his strawberry aloe juice. “Cheers?”

Taeyong grins and giggles--he giggles!--and meets Jonghyun’s bottle with his own. “Cheers.” 

Their eyes meet again and Taeyong moves back just to lean in. Jonghyun meets him in the middle, once and twice and three times more, before it’s time to say goodbye-- 

For now, anyway.

“Don’t forget my letter!” Taeyong’s practically bouncing on the balls of his feet, shifting his weight forward and back because he doesn’t want to leave but he’s eager for them to meet again. “Read it when you miss me.”

Jonghyun waves him off, nimbly undoing the zipper on his bag so he can fetch the folded paper and run his fingers along the creased edge. “Whenever I miss you,” he agrees. A new promise kept between them.

Watching Taeyong on the TV is easier now. Jonghyun sees, somehow, even more energy than ever in his moves and his rap, the way he glides across the state so effortlessly and dances like there truly is no tomorrow. He finds new comfort and excitement in lyrics about ‘being together.’ And sometimes, when their eyes meet through the screen he can’t help thinking Taeyong sees him too. It cuts to commercial, and he unfolds Taeyong’s letter again.


	2. Taeyong's Letter

> Kim Jonghyun,
> 
> How strange it is to see your name, even stranger to write it out. But it feels nice, this pen in my hand and your name in the ink flowing from the other end. I write more lyrics than anything else these days so I might’ve forgotten how to write words like a normal person. I hope you don’t mind that.
> 
> Seeing you was eye opening. Jonghyun, I’ve missed you so much. And I didn’t realize you were right there. Has it really been five years? What was I doing? The whole time I could have contacted you somehow. I could’ve found you. What was I doing? It’s not like I forgot you were there, I could never forget that. I think I was just scared. 
> 
> I wanted to tell you-- I love being an idol. It’s thanks to you that I’m able to do this and really, I love every part of it. You gave me my dreams. So I think it’s only fair that I approve of your ‘jealousy.’ If you don’t want to share me, who am I to say no? :) I hope there’s a chance soon where it can just be the two of us again. Just a moment or two. I have some restaurants I frequent in Seoul that are good about helping me lie low. You should come with me to one sometime. Wouldn’t that be nice? 
> 
> Thank you for coming to see me. For going through all that effort for just a few minutes of time. You really are the best person in the world, you know that? There’s no one I could ever think to cherish more than you. My best friend.
> 
> If you’re comfortable, please contact me. My number’s on the back of this page. I don’t want to go longer without being in touch. (I just hope your address is still the same. Or that your parents can get this to you). This is a gamble that I’m willing to take. 
> 
> I love you too.
> 
> I hope this gets to you. 
> 
> Your best friend, Lee Taeyong  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> Once again thank you D for the inspiration, the encouragement, and the new ship for me to fall in love with! this wouldn't exist without you <3
> 
> let's chat on Twitter [@ChibiKadaj](https://www.twitter.com/ChibiKadaj) and cc [@ChibixKadaj!](https://curiouscat.me/ChibixKadaj) ♡


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